Imminent

I feel like something terrible is coming and it’s all going to smash the world away from me. I feel as if there is a darkness that will come in full force and I am powerless to stop it. Even more so, I feel as if I have, and have had, the means to stop it and yet, I haven’t. It’s this constant dilemma – we are all our own people and are responsible for our actions and at the same time, I tell my clients that there are times in which we haven’t been able to do so.

How can you tell an anxious person to stop worrying? A depressed person to be happy? They all know that they should be happy. In a way, they know how to get there to be happy, and yet, that doesn’t happen.

And that’s me. I don’t know if I’m unhappy but I know that there are things I know I should do and yet, they are not done. And then I beat myself up for not having done them. It’s a terrible cycle and I’m terrified to wonder or find out if I will ever stop perpetuating this cycle.