Principles

n. a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning.

I have very strong principles, or at least I attempt to adhere to them quite strongly. When I fail to uphold them, I feel as if I have failed. That I am a part of that injustice against the world. Why should I benefit from one advantage? If I have spotted an advantage and I utilize it, how is that okay?

Am I paralyzed? Do I suffer from “analysis paralysis?” If so, how much of that phenomena takes a hold of my life?

Is there anyone who struggles like I struggle? Who lacks the same self-compassion that I lack? How are you supported? What keeps you held together?

I often wander between the space of too much and not enough. I struggle with the in between. If I turn in half-assed work, I belittle my achievements and never acknowledge that half of the work was at least completed. Because I can’t. Half-assed is practically no-assed work. How can I allow my reputation as this “bright” and “smart” individual be marred by this piece of work? How can allow myself to accept something so shoddy?

If I am going to commit, I must commit fully. What are these baby steps that I hope to instill in my clients? Do they believe me? I don’t believe me. Do they believe that I believe for them even when I don’t believe for me? Does it work like that? Can it work like that?

What is compassion? What is forgiveness? How do I do those things while not letting myself off the hook? Is there such a thing as a “Cheat day?” Can I survive with a “Cheat day?”