What Do You Want?

Maybe in different cultures, this question is always asked, but at least in the one I’ve grown up in, this is something that’s been ingrained into everything that I do. Do something you love. Do something you want. If you don’t like it, are you at least working towards something that will get you to what you want in the end?

I have been grappling with this question for quite some time now and it’s been a very difficult process. While I may know some of the things I want, I know that I am also impressionable. If you tell me your opinion about a movie, show, etc, I will be biased by your reviews and it will become harder for me to create my own.

This also works in the same way in my life. While I believe that I want one thing, so many other people are telling me that things need to go another way and I start to doubt myself, I start to doubt whether or not what I had truly wanted was something I wanted for myself, or something that I made myself believe I wanted.

It’s hard to fully put into words, but that’s how it feels for me. Maybe it’s all in my own learning process – I need to be able to separate the other voices and try to hone into mine, without judgment, without fear, without doubt. My gut can tell me what I want and if I start to allow the other influences to muddle that up, everything gets muddled. At my core, I know what is right for me and that’s what I have to do. This is for me. This is mine. I have to own myself.