What’s Next?

Maybe I shouldn’t be writing as I’m currently hopped up on caffeine at… 12am in the morning. Maybe I don’t even know what I’m writing. I’ve been on a Grey’s Anatomy marathon, just wanting to watch from the beginning, mostly because it’s on Netflix and mostly because the holiday season is coming around and TV is getting boring and lame as they go on break.

Anyway, the beginning of series has the original cast, some of which don’t make it, some who leave. There’s only a handful of people who’ve lasted all ten seasons of the show and it’s surprising to see how people have started and where they started. The most interesting of all is the epic love story that happens during the series. To see all of their complications, fights, etc. It makes me wonder if love should be that difficult or is it just drama? How much of our ideas of love are shaped by the media? Or is it on what we see in life? If I had to base my ideas of love in life, I don’t have much to go on.

One relationship was marred by a partner who was not very inconsiderate and not very willing to change her behavior and for whatever reason, ended. One relationship survived the tests of time and distance, proving that no matter when your “celebration of love” happens, it doesn’t mean that your relationship needs to have a time limit of when it moves to the next level. Many people have been on my case about that next level. When will it move? How long will I wait? And I wonder, what is the rush? What is a few years in comparison to the rest of my life? And to be honest, I don’t even feel ready for this next level to begin with. I have my own reservations and hesitations about what my life will look like after May. There are doubts about if I’ll make it to May, if my own anxieties will get in the way of my success in May.

I will make it. I have to make it. There is no option to do otherwise.

After that, we’ll see how I feel about this “next level” stuff. But for now, I Just want the questions to stop. But you try telling all your family that. -_-